


Two STRONG Patriotth

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Classism, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2379611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 7 fill for the HSWC. </p><p>A fic based on <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1727027/chapters/4092180">this picture</a> about Sollux and Equius really being into America.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two STRONG Patriotth

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [HSWC 2014 Bonus Round](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1727027) by [FailureArtist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist). 



"America!" Equius was decked out in the stars and stripes. SBURB was over and the whole gang had relocated to Earth. In particular, America. Some were adjusting better than others.

"Fuck yeth, America! U-ETH-A! U-ETH-A!"

"Language, Sollux."

"Fuck that noithe! Freedom of thpeech, athhole!" Sollux Captor loved America. Red and blue were the national colors. There was a Second Amendment. He didn't run the risk of being turned into a power source for a spaceship. The Internet wasn't run on beehives. "I love America, okay? Thethe colorth don't run!"

"I also love America. There are blue states. And America is STRONG. Have you seen... trucks?"

"Truckth?"

"Trucks!" Equius began sweating into his flag tanktop. He hoped that in America, the colors truly didn’t run. "They are like cars. But so... powerful. And majestic. And... and..." Equius cleared his throat. "They measure how strong they are... In horses."

"Hortheth?" Sollux eyed him with suspicion.

Equius pulled a damp magazine from his pocket, rifling through it and opening to a pull-out centerfold ad for the 2015 Ford F-450. "Do you see this magnificent beauty, Sollux? Look. It has 440 hp. Do you know what hp stands for?"

Sollux shook his head.

"Horsepower. This truck. This... Ford. Is as STRONG as 440 horses." He shuddered with delight.

"440... that'th... that'th two thetth of 220."

"Think of all those horses..."

"There'th a plathe here called Taco Bell. And they have put a quethadilla into a burrito. A quetharito. And it'th only a couple dollarth. Pittha Hut. It ith a hut jutht for pitthath. They have a pittha where the crutht ith... cheethe biteth. America! It ith a paradithe here. A total paradithe."

"You have no class. There are entire movements here to keep vile, lewd things like human breasts off of television and the Internet. Heroes fighting to preserve culture and dignity by covering up filthy human genitals on statues. And all you are about is low-quality human dumpster food."

"Fuck your dignity. I like theeing breathtthhthtthhth... breathththth... boobth. Even human oneth."

"Disgusting! You see them in public. Human women put their human grubs on them. Grubs! On their horrible fat sacs."

"They're feeding them, you fucking weirdo. Jethuth. Milk cometh out of them."

"Milk? Like a musclebeast?"

"Uh. Yeah. Thure. I gueth."

"This... this changes everything. America! Truly a wondrous place." Equius was breathing heavily. Sollux took a few steps back. "But. Do you know the best part of this STRONG nation?"

"The mathive military?"

"Impressive. But no."

"Thportth?"

"Ha! Don't make me laugh, yellowblood. Their... baseball is laughable. Though their football is... enjoyable."

"I think it'th called thoccer here."

Equius roared. "Soccer is not American! It is a cowardly sport played by scrawny humans in the Europe! I mean real football! For STRONG, manly men. But no. That is not the best part."

"What ith it? I thtopped caring like two minuteth ago. Jutht tell me."

"Rampant classism."

Sollux gaped. "I fucking hate you thometimeth."


End file.
